What we do today was taught to us by how we were treated, what we saw and what we experienced growing up. And it all lives in us unconsciously.
Research clearly shows our experiences from growing up and our experiences from our past relationships, shape how we behave in our relationship right now.
That’s because growing up, you were completely at the will of your parents. Depending on how much love, time, and attention your parents gave you, their involvement in your life undoubtedly affected how you show up in your romantic relationships today.
Being aware of any negative experiences you had is important in understanding your areas for growth and healing to be the best partner you can be.
So what are some typical negative scenarios we may have experienced when we were young and how might we recognise those patterns in our lives today?
Maybe your parents neglected you or were unavailable due to working long hours or because they were unwell, so now as an adult you may be prone to attracting similarly distant partners in your relationships.
If a parent was quick to anger or had a bad temper, you could have learnt to walk on eggshells and be so self-sufficient that you didn’t need any parenting. Today you can feel anxious in relationships or you or your partner are prone to explosions.
If one of your parents was quite critical of you, you may be attracted to partners who find fault with you and are rarely satisfied, while you struggle to feel good enough.
If your parents struggled to parent you, maybe you grew up too fast and had to parent your parents, and now in your adult life find yourself with huge responsibility – over others, in your job and in providing for others.
Since you are so used to being in a certain role within your family, you unconsciously today continue to find partners that keep you in that role. So unless you become aware of, and shift your patterns, you will continue to live out the same negative emotional experiences that you experienced as a young child.