From the moment we are born our lives depend on us learning how to survive in the world. ⠀
We learn what to expect from the world (people are good, they are able to meet my needs, or they are unreliable, we can’t trust them), how people will treat us (kindly, gently, critically or neglectfully) and how we should be in the world (free and confident, or anxious and insecure). This programming is about our attachments and our experiences growing up.
They form the beginnings of our patterns, the lens through which we see the world: it’s a scary, friendly, predictable or uncertain place; and how we engage with the world: I am unlovable/faulty or enough/valuable. It also imprints our expectations and what is familiar to us – which we will go out into the world and unconsciously recreate. When I talk about patterns I’m referencing our patterns of behaving, thinking and relating. ⠀
If things keep happening to us, we keep feeling the same way at work, in friendships and relationships, it is likely we are in a familiar pattern, having familiar experiences. That means we are emotionally living in the past, reacting to the now in a distorted and often disproportionate way. ⠀
If we expect to be disappointed, betrayed, let down or to feel alone in relationships, we will choose partners to fulfil that expectation, but more importantly, we will unconsciously evoke from our partner these expected transgressions – thereby perpetuating our pattern and our view of ourselves and the world. ⠀
It is crucial to become conscious of our patterns so we can challenge the status quo and develop the new and desired experiences we truly crave.⠀
What are patterns? Where do they come from? Why are they important? And what do we do about them?⠀
These are important because if some of our experiences were negative or what was imprinted is unhelpful or destructive, we need to work extra hard now to rid ourselves of this early programming and pattern imprinting.
FIND ADDITIONAL TEACHINGS AND BONUS WORK THAT RELATE TO THIS VIDEO BELOW
Click here to download my Relationship History PDF that I created specifically for you to discover your patterns so you can know what to be working on.⠀
Once you know what your patterns are, click here for a step-by-step guide about how to recognise these patterns, the behaviour that is sabotaging you and keeping you stuck, and what to do about it.
Once you can recognise your patterns, click here for tools and strategies to help you react in healthier ways when you get triggered by your partner.
Relationship History Workbook Download
Learn how to break your relationship patterns with my Relationship History Workbook. It's the exact same Relationship History I do with my clients in my private practice. Plus it's free :)