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So we are constantly sensing, feeling, ‘knowing’ how available our parents are to us and learning when our needs are met, how that feels in our body and nervous systems, and in some cases what and how we need to ‘be’ to get our needs met and survive.
We may learn that love is freely given, that when we cry, love and comfort is quick to come. We had at least one parent or caregiver that was attuned to our needs.
If that happens in an ongoing and consistent fashion, we are programmed that the world is a safe place and our needs are able to be met.
We develop secure attachment. We’ve learnt that love feels comfortable, undramatic. We are trusting & view others as trustworthy. We were taught love objects have a calming and low anxiety impact on our nervous systems.⠀
If our parents had an attachment issue, had busy jobs, mental health issues, divorced, were bereaved etc and the care we received was inconsistent and sometimes they were not attuned to our needs (possibly preoccupied with others’ or their own), we learn the world is not always safe - it’s unpredictable and worrying & we are imprinted with an insecure attachment.
We struggle to trust. Not only that, we are programmed that if we want love, we must ‘get’ love and *it requires something from us*. We learn to: be very cute, be good and helpful girls/boys, do well at school, or conversely: act out, push boundaries and be rebellious. All these things we discover gets us attention, for good or ill. These become part of our programming about how we need to behave to ‘be loved’.⠀
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This video goes in-depth into how these imprints from early life programme us into relating a certain way, and why we will inevitably find certain people attractive. I discuss how this feels in the body, how it looks in adult life and why we ‘find’ each other later in life - to continue our patterns.
Why We Are Attracted To Certain People
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When we are born, we are born needing to attach – our lives depend on it.
We may learn that love is freely given, that when we cry, love and comfort is quick to come. We had at least one parent or caregiver that was attuned to our needs.
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