We need to be aware of, focus on and keep practicing all of this to build our confidence and ability to have fun, sexy, SECURE, loving relationships. ⠀
SO IN SUMMARY⠀
Know your Script & Recognise when You’re Triggered: We all have our stories (about our fears and insecurities) based on our experiences growing up & past relationships. When we’re triggered we go into Fight, Flight or Freeze and can behave destructively in the relationship. Not helpful when what we actually want is to connect and be loved.
Emotionally Regulate or Nothing Changes: When we are triggered, rather than instinctively lash out or shut down, we need to develop the skill of realising we’ve been triggered (ie: whenever we’re in a heightened emotional state) and prioritise emotionally regulating and calming down. ⠀
Be in Control of How You Communicate: Part of this is practicing emotional regulation when you’re with your partner. We need to be in control of what we’re saying. ⠀
Watch Your Focus - Don’t Be a Fault-Finder & Fixate on the Negative: It is all too easy to see problems. And then suddenly all we see are problems. When we fault-find we are living in a distorted reality where only negatives exist. Balance thinking about the problems in your relationship with it’s strengths.
Learn To Love - Be Trustworthy and Let Your Partner Be Enough: Being trustworthy means not avoiding as much, it’s being accountable and working on being available. Letting your partner be enough means noticing the good and really celebrating it.
In today’s Teaching Video I expand on my How to be More Secure In Relationships series.
When we’re triggered we go into Fight, Flight or Freeze and can behave destructively in the relationship. Not helpful when what we actually want is to connect and be loved.
FIND ADDITIONAL TEACHINGS AND BONUS WORK THAT RELATE TO THIS VIDEO BELOW
Click here to download my Relationship History PDF that I created specifically for you to discover your patterns so you can know what to be working on.
Once you know what your patterns are, click here for a step-by-step guide about how to recognise these patterns, the behaviour that is sabotaging you and keeping you stuck, and what to do about it.
Click here to learn more about anxious attachment, why break ups can feel catastrophic, and patterns of being with certain kinds of people that perpetuate abandonment issues.⠀
Relationship History PDF Download
Learn how to break your relationship patterns with my Relationship History Interactive PDF. It's the exact same Relationship History I do with my clients in my private practice. Plus it's free :)