1. An introduction to Terrence Real's '5 Losing Strategies'.
2. The powerful need to always be right even if it hurts our relationship.
3. When we invalidate our partners we are no longer operating from a place of love.
4. Seeing how Susan and Dan deal with this dynamic in our couple case study on Instagram.

What We Covered This Week:

Week 19 Round Up

In this Round Up I discuss Terrence Real’s 5 Losing Strategies, Susan and Dan’s case study and my Invalidators teaching.

The 5 Losing Strategies are gold. Needing To Be Right is commonplace in Couples Therapy. We forget we are part of a couple, which means two people: two views, two perspectives, two wants and needs.

When we have a perception of always being right, we push the people we love away. Our subjective experience is not the only one, and certainly not the right one... This is a big trap we can fall into.

This has its origins in our younger years – were we raised by people who were always right? Were we raised to believe we always needed to be right in life?

It’s a hop, skip and a jump away from becoming invalidating (as per my Anger Teachings). When we are right, we invalidate someone else’s experience. Very unhelpful in a relationship situation. This is good/bad, right/wrong thinking, lacks emotional maturity and empathy.

Some people invalidate because they think by validating their partner it means they are wrong. When in actual fact when we respect what others say, we create an atmosphere of acknowledgment where everyone is taken into account.

The danger is we can become fixed in our Being Right position, and are almost competitive with our partners, as we can see in this month’s case study with Susan and Dan.

Often couples come to therapy as two individuals, wanting their individual views reflected back to them and validated. The couples work is to develop a team mentality. Teams work best when working together, acknowledging each other, encouraging each other and helping out wherever they can.