1. How our patterns, codependency, anger and narcissism are all linked.
2. Because we are so vulnerable in our relationships we are going to be triggered.
3. Codependent relationships are when each partner is full of blame for the other.
4. Developing health narcissism means working on our self-esteem and self-belief.

What We Covered This Week:

Week 18 Round Up

In this Round Up I discuss how our patterns, codependency, anger and narcissism are all linked.

Because we are so vulnerable in our relationships we are going to be triggered into survival mode time and time again.

When our script gets triggered – as it inevitably will – we are going to get angry. If it’s hysterical it's historical. If our reactions are really big, we can try to bring curiosity to what might be happening in us that isn’t all about the now – it’s from our past. The origin of our patterns.

If we can regulate our anger we can be more secure in relationships and begin breaking insecure patterns like anxious and avoidant attachment.

Codependent relationships are when each partner is full of blame for the other. They are hyper-focused on the other and often feel the victim. This can lead to anger which gives us justification to continue playing out our patterns.

Developing healthy narcissism means working on our self-esteem, self-belief, ability to take pleasure from our achievements and progress our lives with great enthusiasm and determination.

I encourage my clients with issues around codependency to work on healthy narcissism because they can undervalue themselves and participate in unequal relationships.

In our relationship patterns, when we are triggered and in survival mode we can exhibit narcissistic traits. We can be supremely self-centered, lack empathy for our partners and are governed by our own self-interest. Contempt can also come in, putting others down and grandiosity.

Often because we’ve been triggered we are not in our adult – we are in wounded younger self. Narcissism is appropriate when we are younger, but we can get emotionally stuck in those places and we don’t mature and develop valuing self and others equally.

When we know what is healthy, what is less healthy, and what is downright toxic we are then able to correct some of our attitudes and behaviour and bring in the adult version of ourselves we want to be.