1. An introduction to Couples Therapy.
2. How to protect ourselves without damaging our relationship.
3. The importance of remaining as 'open' as we can be in our relationship.
4. Learning to lower our defences in order to be receptive and empathetic.

What We Covered This Week:

Week 15 Round Up

In this Round Up I speak about what goes on in Couples Therapy.

I love online teachings because I can bring out from behind closed doors what goes on in therapy.

Often in couples work the couple arrives very defended and very separate from each other. It’s hard to stay constantly relational, especially when there is hurt in the relationship.

We are so vulnerable we are often triggered into an individual state of mind & then we need to protect ourselves - but sometimes this can do damage to the relationship. Our focus needs to be on really trying to stay open. If we want love, we have to somehow let that in.

We need to be receptive. That can’t happen if we’re in protection-mode and defensive. We can’t get the love, care, validation and affection we crave.

Effective boundary work allows us to stay relational. Primitively protecting ourselves means going into survival and being defensive.

Couples therapy is about becoming willing to really show yourself. It is also allowing your partner to show themselves and developing genuine empathy for them. We want to be understood but in our hurt we are not interested in understanding the other person.

Intimacy is – 'Into-Me-See'. As humans we deeply want to be seen. In our attachment issues we are hiding ourselves. Couples therapy is about challenging that.

We develop skills and capacity to withstand the difficult emotions that come up and also harness our courage so we can learn to be appropriately and gloriously vulnerable and really let someone in. We build our resilience and robustness.

We learn to ‘own our stuff’ and be able to work on it – lovingly. When we focus on ourselves and our behaviour, we are then free to relate in a new way that’s more likely to get our needs met.