11 Signs Your Relationship Is Not Viable

1. How do we recognise if our relationship is right for us?
2. We know relationships are hard and require work. But how hard is too hard?
3. 11 Things to consider to find out if your relationship is viable or not.

What We Covered This Week:

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Week 25 Round Up

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1. They are ambivalent about you and their avoidant attachment/emotional unavailability makes them totally unreachable.

We all have our issues and challenges, but it’s not helpful if the door is absolutely closed and it is not possible to talk about or work on your relationship with your partner.

2. The relationship is stuck, not moving forward and not a lot of fun either.

So much of relationships are about planning a future, sharing a life, and having common goals. If these can’t be communicated and there is a sense of not moving forward, it’s important to consider what kind of life we are able to create with this person.

3. You are scared to be honest and walk on eggshells a lot of the time.

It’s inevitable that there will be atmospheres in a relationship occasionally. However if this is the natural state of your relationship, this shows that there’s a lack of safety and respect.

4. They actively push you away, possibly to ‘make you’ break up with them so they don’t have to.

If someone is avoidantly attached, part of their process can be about creating distance in the relationship to feel safe. Having psychological space is important for them and isn’t necessarily unhealthy. However if someone is provoking you in unpleasant ways and creating conflict, it’s possible they are consciously or unconsciously trying to make things so bad that you will be forced to break up with them.

5. Sex is the only time you truly connect but it doesn’t feel secure or relaxed.

If every sexual experience feels quite empty, and you don’t feel especially relaxed or secure during it, this highlights a lack of closeness.

6. They lack any insight into their unhelpful behaviour.

7. They are active addicts or have mental health issues for which they resist treatment.

We all have our issues and challenges, but it’s not helpful if the door is absolutely closed and it is not possible to talk about or work on your relationship with your partner.

8. They have no desire to work on their stuff or grow.

We can have all the issues in the world, but if we’re working on ourselves and trying, then we can build a life with someone and anything is possible. However if you’ve got someone who has no insight into their behaviour they are not going to be able to work on themselves. Much of what they do is unconscious and they have little awareness to draw on to be looking at their stuff. Someone who cannot take responsibility for their own stuff is unlikely to be able to take responsibility in the relationship. This is not what a partnership is about.

9. They are dismissive and rude about people who do want to work on themselves.

Whilst this may be a defensive act, it shows that we’re in for a fight in this relationship if growth and progression is important to us.

10. The relationship is dramatic and high conflict and you’re addicted to it.

If being triggered, arguing and having lots of drama in the relationship has become normalised, we can become addicted to the adrenaline and highs and lows, and that is not a healthy foundation for a long-term relationship.

11. You cannot be yourself with the other person or you don’t like who you are when with the other person.

These are all indicators about whether or not we are able to be who we want to be in the relationship.

All relationships have struggles but these are signs to look out for to be seriously considering whether this relationship is truly right for you.

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Here's What To Do Next!

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“Wow this describes my 13 year marriage so perfectly. I can totally see how I felt during that time, but now I can also see how he felt because of things I did.”

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