Helpful phrases to start using in your relationship right now. These reduce conflict, they acknowledge our partners, they respect us and they respect the other person. These are phrases we can hold in our mind and use in our relationships when we don’t know what else to say.

1. “I could have worded that better.”

We can easily get lost in defensiveness in our communications. This statement acknowledges our partner and admits to our imperfection.

A key part of being human includes the need to be heard. Sometimes we aren’t great at hearing our partners, we want to get our point across or tell someone why they’re wrong. We can think ‘I didn’t do anything wrong’, but this phrase communicates: I hear you. And then allows us to take a degree of responsibility.

2. “You are so great at_______.”

All day long we miss opportunities to notice and express the things we like and admire about our partners. As in the previous point, we can help meet another big need in humans, which is: ‘I see you’.

These are golden moments and will create so much goodwill in your relationship. It affirms our partner and we can begin the habit of taking time to observe our partners, admire them and then articulating what we see them doing really well.

3. “Let’s rewind and start again.”

This is also how we can break patterns and unhelpful cycles. It gives us an out when we realise we’ve gone down the wrong path. We can then practise communicating with more care and respect. We can also let each other off the hook, and give you both permission to forget what’s been said and literally start again.

4. “You look so incredible/sexy/attractive…”

We can forget our partners are our lovers. This is what makes our relationships so unique and intimate. When you glance at your partner, you may briefly think they look attractive but we rarely express that. Remembering to relate to them as sexual beings helps us increase desire and chemistry in the relationship. When we get this right, a lot of our other relational issues disappear. It creates so much security and appreciation – and fun.

5. “Can you lend me a hand?”

We often want help from our partners but we don’t ask or we want them to volunteer. As humans we like to know we are needed, and we do really need each other in relationships. I encourage my clients to actively invite their partners in – ask for help often. Be partners. The message is ‘We’re a team and we do things together’.

FIND ADDITIONAL TEACHINGS AND BONUS WORK THAT RELATE TO THIS VIDEO BELOW