1. Remember Your Power

We can have a big impact on each other. If things are difficult and there is reactivity it’s because your partner is impacting you and you are impacting your partner. The greatest power we have is the power of choice. When we say someone ‘makes us’ do something, we are giving our power away. From now on you are going to *choose* how you behave in this relationship.

2. Imagine Your Ideal Self

We can become who we are not: bitter or jaded or weak. Instead imagine your ideal self. Confident people, who express themselves well, who are unruffled and calm – all that is within you. That is now what we are aspiring to be like. The energy that has been going into angst and upset about our relationship is now going into becoming our ideal self.

3. Don’t Rise To The Bait

We can be ready, primed and waiting for the next hurt. You *know* what happens: you know what your partner is like, you know how they react and to what, you know how you react and to what. Recognise your power lies in your knowledge and experience of the situation. We are no longer going there. We are going to protect ourselves moving forward. We read the situation accurately and then choose how we behave and look after ourselves.

4. Emotional Regulation

In our reactivity we lose all our power. We need to emotionally regulate and self-soothe as part of our lives so we can stay in control of what we’re doing and feel good about our choices and behaviour. What phrases can I learn to step away from conflict? What breath exercises work for me? We don’t run into the drama anymore.

5. Keep Your Life Big

We can be so focused on the relationship – worrying, obsessing, wanting things to be different. We need to have more going on in our lives. This helps us keep perspective and builds our confidence. It will remind you of all of who you are.

Doing these we feel stronger. We are in our power and we don’t ever forget how powerful we are again.

How To Get Your Power Back In Relationships

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