BEING RIGHT

“Well, there’s no telling them, they have all the answers apparently.” A fixed, I-know-it-all attitude is highly destructive and makes it very hard for our loved ones to get close to us. We can be unconsciously pushing them away. Recognise you are both ‘right’. Each of you are different people with different perspectives.

CONTROLLING YOU PARTNER

Ever feel like you’re walking on eggshells around your partner? Or you’re making your partner tip toe around you? These are powerful conscious and unconscious ways of being controlled or controlling your partner.

This creates a bad energy in the relationship, and it’s hard to relax and be spontaneous. 

UNBRIDLED SELF EXPRESSION

This is when we express unfiltered, un-thought-out, and often hugely unhelpful, almost stream-of-consciousness expressions of our pain to our loved ones. It is the home of angry monologues, incessant criticism, sarcasm, passive aggressive insinuations, unfunny 'jokes', loud sighs, rolling of our eyes, banging of doors and storming from rooms.

RETALIATION

Retaliation comes from the animal in us - our most primitive urges of survival and dominance come into play when in a situation where we are triggered to retaliate. Retaliation is about fighting back, winning, and destroying someone else if necessary.

Terry Real coined a phrase: Offending From The Victim Position. We feel entitled and justified to react aggressively to someone else because we feel a victim of some hurtful slight.

WITHDRAWAL

Otherwise known as Stonewalling, this strategy can create even further resentment in relationships and makes it difficult for differences to be resolved. When we're hurt, it's instinctive to withdraw. In trauma terms, it's Flight. We reach some sort of internal limit, and we shut down and take a big emotional step back from our relationship and partner.

Today’s teaching is about the behaviours that can utterly sabotage our relationships. Terrence Real calls these The 5 Losing Strategies.

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