It’s okay to want our loved ones to change and grow - they probably want us to as well.

Change is delicate to navigate; there are traps we can fall into.

Sometimes the change we want becomes our focus. If we are not careful the message we’re sending out is: “You are not acceptable to me”. We hyper-focus on the problem, and soon the person becomes ‘the problem’. This attitude stops growth.

When we’re on the receiving end of the perceived fault-finding or criticism – two things can happen. (1) we feel full of shame and then get stuck there. Or (2) we get angry, defensive and dig our heels in.

Beware of hyper-focusing because our partners will react into a “Why bother? Whatever I do is not enough” mind-set.

Change happens in an environment of supportiveness and love. When we feel loved, the more we want to be, we want to shine, we are full of resource to bring to life’s challenges.

We need to focus on the positive and communicate that loud and clear to our partners. When we acknowledge the good and show appreciation for what good *is* happening, it keeps us connected.

Getting stuck in complaints and a negative attitude maintains disconnection. It is very hard to bring a problem to be solved when there is disconnect.

Instead, when we focus on care, acknowledgement and nurture in the relationship, we can then face the relationship difficulty from a place of love.

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