Men can be confused as they can struggle to integrate all aspects of the self into their lives and it can be difficult to negotiate with women who have their own set of priorities.

The male psyche is rooted in having a sense of purpose in their lives. Achieving that (and indeed achievement in general) is key to the male identity.

Part of this mission is to have a meaningful relationship and/or a family. But it is only one part. Other parts of his purpose encapsulate his career, creative endeavours or things he feels strongly about.

These are a man’s biological and psychological needs. Freedom is also a key aspect of male identity and so is a need for aloneness. All this creates a conflict in men that they must grapple with when it comes to their intimate relationships and future.

For women, we have careers, important work and highly creative passions too, and often relationship is key to our female identity. Biologically we have children, we are the caregivers and psychologically we are made to be part of a community, at the heart of which is the family unit.

Because of a woman’s biological imperative to have children, it can put us in a very compromising position because there is a ‘deadline’. I suggest speaking to your partner about this and be genuinely interested in your man’s mission and purpose. *And* we must respect and honour our position too. Decide to have a time limit to see how things can develop.

Then - love with everything you have. We can take it so personally, the things men are wrestling with, that we can fall into an unhelpful narrative of what a “commitment-phobe” they are or how “not enough” we are.

I’d rather you love with an open heart, give it time, and then see what’s possible. If your relationship is developing, wonderful. If it’s not, it may be time for some difficult decisions. And if you need to leave the relationship, you do so with your head held high.

You loved. You kept your dignity. And you made the necessary decisions for yourself.

What To Do If Your Boyfriend Is Unsure Or Confused

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Our identities and sense of self are created and governed by biological, psychological and social factors.

The male psyche is rooted in having a sense of purpose in their lives. Achieving that (and indeed achievement in general) is key to the male identity.


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