How To Know If Your Relationship With An 'Unavailable' Person Is Viable:
1. They are fundamentally decent people.
2. They know they have some unhelpful behaviours.
3. They seem to care about you even if they struggle to show it.
4. They are open to working on themselves (even if it’s not the way you want them to eg: not therapy).
5. Calm and loving moments are possible.
What We Covered This Week:
They are fundamentally decent people:
Recognise if you have a good person. Sometimes we ignore bad behaviour, mean-spiritedness or worrying anger issues.
They know they have some unhelpful behaviours:
Even if your relationship is not perfect, if your partner knows they have some unhelpful behaviours, that shows potential.
They seem to care about you even if they struggle to show it:
Even if we feel uncared for or unloved, it doesn’t necessarily mean that’s what’s happening. It’s important that you recognise how your partner is there for you in certain ways.
They are open to working on themselves (even if it’s not the way you want them to eg: not therapy):
If however you are encouraging and validating of what your partner is doing to work on themselves, they are far more likely to be open to new ways in the future.
Calm and loving moments are possible:
If our relationships are struggling, there can be tension. However if calm, loving moments are able to be experienced, that shows you can be together safely and securely. These moments need to be prioritised and maximised.
They are in addiction recovery:
People with addiction or mental health issues who are receiving treatment and are committed to a programme of recovery are people who know how to take responsibility for themselves. These are great tools to have in a relationship.
There is basic respect all the time:
If we’re not careful we can behave in ways we don’t like. We might feel a partner disrespects us, and before we know it, we are being disrespectful too.
You can be totally yourself with the person:
If we can feel rejected, we are in danger of pretzelling ourselves to be what we think our partners want us to be.
You can speak freely and openly:
I want us to be able to say what needs to be said, however we need to work on our delivery and how we do it. Maintaining our dignity sets the tone for the kind of relationship we want moving forward.
Click here to do your Relationship History and uncover your Relationship Patterns.
Here's What To Do Next!
Click here to establish your and your partner's Love Language.
Click here to watch my video on Why We Choose Unavailable People.
Click here to watch my video on Understanding Emotionally Unavailable Relationship Patterns.
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